


Dear Cas

by theravcnboys



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel/Dean Winchester - Freeform, Inspired by Twist and Shout - gabriel & standbyme, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 03:27:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3962704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theravcnboys/pseuds/theravcnboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's letter at the end of Twist and Shout.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Cas

Dear Cas,

I want to go back in time.

I want to do everything all over again and cherish every moment I've ever had with you. I want to go back to that god-awful party again and just watch you, dancing, losing yourself in the music, and momentarily adjusting back your glasses like a silly little thing. I want to drive you back to Ellen's again, order you some regular, and watch you and your face and your cheeks as it becomes flushed while you nervously drink your milkshake, awkwardly fiddling your thumbs.

And after that, I want to go back to that alley again, and just feel your lips against mine. I want to stare at your apartment for the first time again, and watch your face get red with embarrassment after hearing me say, "I can do fire exits." I want to do it all again. I want to watch you across the table again, blushing as you admit you have a thing for songs about love with Elvis playing in the background. I want to go back in time and sing with you. I want to feel your body under my touch again, all warm and vulnerable and safe at the same time. I want to go back to the beach again, and watch you as you look far beyond the horizon. I want to live my entire life in that moment, just you and me and the cameras and the waves and the promises. I want to hear your voice at that time, saying, "I love you," all over again. _I want it._

I want all of it, _back._ I want everything all over again and I kept asking you before about what happened to us. What happened to being in each other's embrace, contently listening to old records and Elvis in a Hula we once laughed at? What happened to watching Star Trek, just sitting with each other in the sofa? What happened to being a doctor and buying an island with a two-storey house and white picket fences? What happened to being two bickering old men finding everything to complain about? What happened to me bothering you? What happened to me? To you? To _**us?**_

And now I have realized that I should've been the one to answer my own question. Because I, of all people, know what happened. The _war_ happened. _I_ _happened._ And I still want everything back and I want to go back to those moments, where you're still trying hard to get me back, get your Dean back, your _boy_. And I regret every one of those moments where I can just hug you and comfort you, slip. I thought I'm doing the right thing. I thought I was doing the right thing. And now I can hear you say, "You always do," and I can remember myself saying, "Who would even like you with all your talking," and it hurts so bad 'cause I do. I do. _I love you._ I love all of you. I love you and your smile and your eyes and your hair and your everything. And I wish, oh Heaven knows I would sell my soul just so I can turn back time and say it every time we're together. Say it every time I get a chance to say it. And I regret being the massive dick that I am for letting you go, all those years wasted, and I just want to die with you already but then I'll remember you and your smile and how it would sadden you if that happens and I can't- I can't think straight anymore. The only thing I have in my mind right now is how we don't have goodbyes and there will come a time in the future where I'll come crashing, like the waves, to be with you again. And I will try hard to live my life, or anything that's left of it, just as I've promised you but I will always look forward for that time where I can finally fulfill my other promise to you. Just like the waves, remember? _I will always come back to you._ And then I can do everything again. We can do it all over again. _And I'll do it right._ We'll do it right, this time. I promise that will come.

_See you then._


End file.
